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youngblackandvegan:

The biggest test for if a man is the one for me is how he deals with my feelings Some men will dismiss the emotions you have and see them as a problem. They will dismiss how you feel or ignore you or try to placate you with gifts and sex to shut you up and circumvent the problems. The reason why that’s dangerous is because over time you begin to think that problems in the relationship are your fault. You’re too emotional. You’re too impatient. You’re a nag. You’re ungrateful. Slowly but surely you begin to shut up and when things don’t improve you continue to put all the weight on you and he gets to act like it’s all good. A man that’s truly after my heart cherishes me enough to take time to make me happy. I have had times when me and my guy aren’t on the same page and he will drive over to see me to have a face to face conversation because over the phone isn’t working. I have had times when I say “never mind” when I’m clearly upset and he’ll say “sweetheart speak your mind.” A man who loves you will not treat your feelings like a burden. And if there are things to fix in a relationship he will happily work with you through the frustration because he wants you both to be happy. Don’t allow yourself to become a mouse when it comes to how you feel just because a man doesn’t have the emotional capacity to have empathy or the communication skills to talk through things. The problem is him, not you. And you have to know you deserve better than that

I firmly believe in small gestures: pay for their coffee, hold the door for strangers, over tip, smile or try to be kind even when you don’t feel like it, pay compliments, chase the kid’s runaway ball down the sidewalk and throw it back to him, try to be larger than you are— particularly when it’s difficult. People do notice, people appreciate. I appreciate it when it’s done to (for) me. Small gestures can be an effort, or actually go against our grain (“I’m not a big one for paying compliments…”), but the irony is that almost every time you make them, you feel better about yourself.
Jonathan Carroll (via psych-facts)
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